I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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