why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
