He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
