remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
honey bunches of taint.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
