I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
