and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
