Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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