i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm always down for nudity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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