I'm sorry my penis didn't work
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
