I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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