Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
