OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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