Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
