She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
