4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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