Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
