I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage