morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
