if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
