Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
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I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
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Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.