where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit