Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Smaller, yet meaner.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"