Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
