neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
