Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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