yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
