just come out here and I will go home with you...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
