Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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