recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
