I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
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If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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