I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
