My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
