Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
