So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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