is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
