i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
