i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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