then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
