My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
