I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
