Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
