Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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