I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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