So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
