If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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