I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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