I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
