fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
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It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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