hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
