Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
There are leaves in my underwear?
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