Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
