What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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