dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
