There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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