I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
