i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
