I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
