Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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