i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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