i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
