i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
