Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
