I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
