he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
My pussy is not your playground.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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