just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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