do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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