I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
