My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
