I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
