just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
