that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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