Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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