OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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