do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
